Frozen fire
by masa.swan-culen
Summary: The life as Bella knew for the last 6 months is over or is it? She must decide if she will choose full happines or just small pieces of happines which came back. Choice she makes is going either hurt or be pleasent. REVIEW! every character belongs to the queen meyer
1. TIME IS NOT HEALING

TIME IS NOT HEALING

BPOV

I was looking through the window and thinking about how my life would be if I fought for him. When he told me he was leaving I hadn't been convincing enough with trying to make him see that I love him with all my heart and he does too. But memories from the past clouded my judgment of what I deserve as a woman. I was still thinking about the night my mom and dad had a falling out over telephone when I was 9.

 ** _YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME CHARLIE! My mum was yelling at my dad I THOUGHT THAT WE COULD WORK OUT OUR DIFFERENCES ,BUT SADLY IT ISN´T POSSIBLE ,WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS CONVINCE ME THAT I MOVE BACK TO THE ONLY PLACE I DESPISE! my dad was calm enough to not react the same way my mom did RENEE I AM NOT IMPLYING THAT YOU MOVE BACK RIGHT NOW BUT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MOVE BACK EVENTUALLY AND BRING BELLA BACK TO ME. I MISS BOTH OFF YOU AND I STILL LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING my mum remained quiet and then she went to her bedroom. I stayed in the kitchen but because the apartment had thin walls you could hear the moment my mom broke my dad's heart in pieces CHARLIE I CAN`T DO THIS ANYMORE. I THOUGHT MY LOVE FOR YOU WAS STRONGER BUT IT IS NOT! MY LIFE WAS EASIER WHEN YOU WERE LIVING YOUR LIFE AND I MINE. IT'S BETTER FOR US TO JUST NEVER GET BACK TOGETHER!_**

I was 18 now and I already lost the love of my life. Wasn't I pathetic? He left 6 months ago today and I haven't heard from him ever since. He was very adamant about keeping his promise It's going to be like I never even existed. And I didn't like that. Because with him I often felt like my dad, trying to convince my mom to something. But he was not being like my mom the majority of time. He was him and I was the best possible version of myself when I was around him. I know it sounds silly but I always felt that he was holding on to me because he wanted to feel the human side but he never did. When he left it broke me. That was a fact and since then I was questioning his love for me.

I laid on the bed and picked up the computer from the floor. When the background cached my eye on the photo was a picture of me and him kissing. I quickly clicked the chrome button before tears had a chance fall from my eyes. I was more on my computer since he left because I always felt alone.


	2. YOU WOULD WANT BETTER

YOU WOULD WANT BETTER

I woke up at 5 am and started preparing for school. I put on black jeans and grey shirt and also put on black converse shoes. It was just usual "after him left" morning and I was exhausted just from sleeping if we can call all night waking up and crying because I have had my heart destroyed. Every morning I feel like a burden on my father because he has to take care of me.

I went downstairs and made myself a cup of warm milk. While my milk was heating up I went in the hall and looked myself in the mirror. I lost weight every day I was skinnier and skinnier. Because of my weight loss Charlie literally pushed me from our house to the nearest hospital so I could get checked. They told him I was fine but since I looked so pale and exhausted I should get a psychiatric. When they told me that I pretty much lost it I wasn't sick nothing was wrong with me except the fact that I lost the person that meant the world to me. Charlie hasn't pursued anything after I had a meltdown that I don't want anybody to have to talk to me. I had nobody but I was living. It wasn't fine and nice living but it was living. " Bells what are you doing up?" Charlie came down the stairs in his PJ's. " I am making myself milk do you want some?" he came through the door " Bella is 5 am what are you doing dressed?" I looked at myself and then at him " I'm going to school but I have some work to do before school today." Charlie wasn't curious about the things I had to do but was trying to make me go back to sleep or just eat anything else than just a cup of something: " Dad I'm not hungry. I ate fish yesterday." "Bells you ate like ¼ of a fish that you had on your plate. You will get sick honey. He is not worth it. You deserve better than what you are getting" I lifted my head up and looked at him. I understood he didn't knew what I was feeling in regards to him. "Don't do this dad please." He wanted to say something but decided it wasn't the right time. I went in my room and started to cry. I pulled my legs to my chest and cried my eyes out until it was time for school. I packed my bag and got into my truck. I went to school but just when I parked I turned around to see if I got everything I saw a CD I turned it around and I gasped. It was the CD he brought me and it contained my lullaby. A tear slipped down my cheek and I kissed the CD in my hands. I opened the door of my truck and went out. Something weird was happening around the school I could feel it, my hands were shaking because it was so cold and suddenly I felt the same electrifying feeling I got when I was around him. I thought I was crazy because I was getting worse at living my everyday life without him. I shook of the feeling like it was nothing and went up the stairs, when I came at the top of the stairs my clumsiness got the best of me and I fell. All of my books fell out of my hands. But just when I started to gather together all of my books I saw a pair of hands helping me. I thought maybe Tyler came to help" thank you T.." until I looked up "Edward? What are you doing here?" but as soon as I said that I collapsed.

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	3. LOOK AT WHAT YOU DONE

LOOK AT WHAT YOU DONE

EPOV

It has been 6 months since I left Forks. I thought that time would heal my heart to an extant of just existing but I couldn't be more wrong. I was crawled up in a corner of a cheap motel room with dim lights coming through the windows. I hadn't changed clothes in weeks and there was still blood on them from last trip to woods of Canadian border. I couldn't move I had not seen a point in moving or living without her. She was my everything and I couldn't see my existence without her in it. Just when I thought that my life couldn't get any worse something broke my door down.

" EDWAAAARD!" I lifted my head up and I saw a devil at the door but this was my personal sister devil. " Alice just go away I told you I don't want to have anybody's company and I was serious about that then and I still mean it!" Alice turned on her heels and started walking to the hall where my clothes and my books were stored for months. " I need you to get up and start packing right now." Her voice was serious and even though she was little I could feel that she was not taking a no for an answer. " Alice I am not going anywhere. The only place I want to go is prohibited for me because I can't keep destroying her life like this any longer." Alice came into the room and threw me clean clothes: " Stop feeling sorry for everything you did, even though you were immensely S-T-U-P-I-D you are still my brother and I need to get you back to Forks." With questioning look I stared at her " Why do you need me to go back to Forks?" "When you get dressed and in the car we can talk!" She literally bounced out of my motel room. I sat there and didn't want to move but Bella was very important to me. I packed and changed clothes in minutes. Before I had time to sit in the car Alice was already beaming with happiness " Why are you smiling like a two year old?" Alice started the car and looked at me " Because I finally got you out of the damn motel hole." I hadn't noticed before that Alice was driving Carlisle's Mercedes. " Alice what is wrong that I had to go with you?" after just two minutes in the car Alice stopped beaming and became serious." Edward she isn't good and you aren't good either. Why do this to yourself?" I was looking at the road while she was talking " She is getting worse Edward and two days ago I had a vision that she will get sick but not sick because of a cold but because she doesn't eat at all. She is going to be in a hospital than until sh...until she dies. But the good news is that if you were there she would be eating at least some bits of food and she would avoid all of the "hospital nonsense" as she likes to call it." I didn't know what to say but one thing was sure I was done staying away from her even if it meant just being friends or just to greet each other any other time. If she would be maybe happy with someone I would step away and just watch her from the distance which meant that I would except it but I would not approve of it. She meant the world to me and I would do anything for her.

Ride to Forks wasn't as long as expected but still too long. I looked on the clock in the car and saw that it was only two more hours and I would see her. I had no idea if she would talk to me or even look at me but when it came to her I never knew what exactly her reaction would be and how I should response. We arrived at our old house and while I was changing clothes it hit me that I still have the CD of her lullaby in my car because I decided that she didn't have to remember me by things because it would only cost her pain. I took the CD and started running towards her house I thought I would put it in the back of the truck but I saw that Bella left her truck window open I decided to put the CD in her car and leave but the curiosity and the craving for her were too strong so I jumped on the nearest tree and looked into her room. She was crying on the floor of the bedroom and she was sobbing and talking under her breath " i will never forget as long as I live I will never forget..." My heart was tearing apart from pain even more if that is even possible to happen to a vampire. I wanted to die what have I caused to her! I can't even think about her crying like this because of my selfish acts of stupidity. I looked at my watch it was half an hour till school started. I ran home and got my books. I called Alice if she was going to school and she said to me that she will go to school with me and I needed to wait just a minute longer. She came down the stairs and jumped into the car. When we arrived at school Bella's truck was nowhere to be found. I went up the stairs and started listening to students thoughts and 5 minutes later I heard a heart beat that I have fallen very fond of. I was standing in hall when I heard students talking about Bella * SHE IS CARRYING TO MANY BOOK! MAYBE I SHOULD HELP HER? * I went to the staircase and then I saw her she was beautiful although she had red eyes from crying and she lost a lot of weight. She tried to make the last stair and then the well known clumsiness of hers made her to fall and all the books went on the floor. I quickly started grabbing them " thank you T.." and then she looked up "Edward? What are you doing here" as soon as she said that she collapsed on the floor. I caught her head and then Mike came near us " Cullen what the fuck are you doing here? Leave her to me you left her remember!" I lifted Bella in my arms " I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU MOVE NEWTON!" He moved and I carried Bella to the school infirmary.

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	4. I HAVE IMAGINED IT

I HAVE IMAGINED IT

BPOV

My head hurts what is wrong with me? My eyes were closed and I felt something cold on my forehead and on my arm. I tried to move and suddenly there was nothing more on my arm. I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side ,I saw him sitting in the chair beside me. When I saw him I started to climb out of the bed and almost fell trying. "O MY GOD! PLEASE NO NO NO NO NO NO!". I had to get out of here." Bella calm down! You are gonna hurt yourself." Tears started streaming down my face and I tried to hide them behind the angry voice "Edward what are you doing here? In Forks I mean." He didn't answer right away but he stood up "I am here because of you. " I sat down on the chair by the door and said in the stern voice "Oh really?! Are you here to see what is left of me? Laugh in my face because I was so stupid I believed your lies? Or maybe hurt me some more because the first time wasn't enough? Whatever it is do it and leave it is going to be hard to forget that I love you but still easier because I know you really meant everything you said to me! " I wanted him to think that he can't hurt me anymore but I was not succeeding at that. " I am not here to hurt you, I am here to beg for your forgiveness!" But when I heard the word forgiveness it was like you told me to calm down when, I am super angry it's not often but it happens." FORGIVE? WHO? YOU? ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I looked into his eyes and the spark that was here just few seconds ago was gone, his face showed no emotions and his hands were hanging by his body. I wanted to touch him and kiss him but I knew this was not possible. I started to calm down and when he wanted to leave the room" We need to talk about this Edward!" He looked at me" I agree" I looked at him and spoke " Even though you broke me on so many levels. I don't want to go back to class what if we go on the ... meadow and talk?" Edward lifted his gaze " How do you suggest to get there?" I smiled "Carry me? " He broke a small smile at me "With pleasure!" We went out of the school when nurse Jacqueline said that I am okay. " Would you climb at my back?" he said the same moment we came out of the building. I looked at him "Yes but don't drop me while you run!" I try to lighten the mood but he doesn't answer. We start to run and I tighten the hold around Edward's neck not because I am scared he will drop me but because I am scared he will leave me.


End file.
